Open Market

Well, I am back on the market..... job market that is. My Principal and I had a good chat and she said that she would be happy to recommend me to another employer, outside of classroom teaching (except college, she said I would be good at that) I am relieved now that I know what is going on. Now I just have to tell Sugar, but I think everything will turn out all right in the end.

Feeling This

I hadn't wanted to post this until I was sure what is going on but... The sickness feels gone along with the dark thoughts. I no longer feel weighed down, numb, or melancholy. Something is working.

A Brave New Year

I have been receiving professional help and it has quite honestly probably saved my life.

I can't really say that things have improved per se.. just the potential for improvement later on. The metaphysical silver lining so they say....

I will be finding a new profession. I just have to figure out what to do, and how to do it.

Then the morning comes...

I woke up today feeling happy and with a smile. I was dreaming about kissing Sugar. The smile lasted for approximately 4 seconds until I realized that I was awake and my short found peace had come to an end.

Another terrible day. I'm feeling more dead inside, more numb and apathetic. I don't fucking care what happens, I just think feeling nothing would be better than feeling like this.

Maybe I will find more peace in my dreams. Maybe this is the nightmare... The fake world.

Had a breakdown today. But if you don't cry when hearing Tom Waits's Martha, then you have had an easy life.

0 days without an incident.

99 Problems: Day 1

But a bitch ain't one. Right now Sugar is the only truly positive aspect of my life. Things in D-Town are not progressing smoothly, and I still feel like I am waiting for my real life to begin.

Its been 10 years this January since the death of my father. It still hurts like it was yesterday.

I am more than likely going to be searching for a new career. I am seeing what A'yenn did years ago. Public education is no longer a field I wish to participate in. Or maybe just middle school. Have no effin clue where to go from here. And its dauntingly terrifying .

I am going to try and make it through the day without having a breakdown.

**0 days since last incident**